Left Index Finger Epidemic


Driving used to be my absolute favorite thing to do. I loved it. The windows down, stereo up kind of driving is the supreme treat, but pretty much any kind of driving will do. Now, I’ve grown up a little bit, and, still having a love for cars, have purchased myself quite a nice little sports car, if I do say so myself. Now, I love my car and I love driving. What I do not like is driving anywhere within the vicinity of the Tri-State area, which is unfortunate, considering I live here.

It seems that an epidemic of sorts has spread over the area. I’m not quite sure what the cause of it is. I can only comment on the results.

I believe that there is a mass illness affecting the driving population. This illness affects ONLY the left index finger of most drivers. I’ve heard it can spread to the whole hand, but either way, it renders the driver completely incapable of utilizing that little feature known as “The Signal”.
This affliction seems especially predominant in the large-SUV driving population, the elderly driving population and I believe this affliction comes standard to anyone who has or will be purchasing a Lexus.

These poor souls have had to resort to merely swerving wherever they would like, whenever they would like, with no warning to fellow drivers, i.e., myself.

Now, I seem to have been fortunate enough to have had this plague pass over my house. Maybe my door was painted with lamb’s blood that day, I don’t know, but I do not have the affliction. I signal when I’m switching lanes, turning or even merely pulling over. I feel that this gives the people around me a sense of comfort. “Oh, look, that nice lady still has use of her left index finger. She’s pulling over and we know it. Halleluiah, praise the lord!” And I signal with nary a thought about it. It’s just second nature to me.

Now, I understand that this is an illness and there is not much we can do to alleviate the sufferers. I try to have patience for those who do have the illness, but its kind of like holding your breath. You hold it and hold it, but eventually, if you are to continue living, you are going to have to let that breath out and it usually comes out in the form of “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING, ASSHOLE!??!?!”

So, please, get your left index fingers checked out. Or reach the fuck over and use that signal with your right hand. I don’t really care. JUST SIGNAL!!!!!

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