Please….someone hand me a hammer


So that I may smash myself in the face with it.

Today has been one of those days. One of those days that make you realize that we are indeed animals at heart, and are capable of performing horrifying acts of violence on others who cross my path. Or at least that’s just how I feel. People have aggravated me to such a point today that I’m not even sure what to do with myself. I feel a rage that bubbles deep in my stomach. I mean, it could be the new horrible Starbucks pike street roast that I dared to sample today, but I think it’s the rage.

And it started first thing in the morning. The only good thing that happened to me today was actually making the 7:30 ferry. I make it to my 8:30 meeting (why anyone has 8:30 meetings is beyond me, but that’s another blog) only to hear my work being criticized in front of all 10 executives in that meeting. He actually called it “flaky”, which in turn, is him calling ME flaky. Now, there was indeed a mistake that I had made. I’ll admit to that, no problem. It’s just that this mistake could have been resolved with a simple e-mail, pointing it out and I would have fixed it. But no, he had to announce it, like he had found some grave error that was going to cause the company millions. The issue was, in fact, a few contract dates that were off. Ridiculous.

Then, I get a phone call from my favorite accounts payable woman. I have unsusccessfully dealt with her before and she talks to me as if I’M the one who doesn’t speak english. Her accent is so thick, I can barely communicate with her. She proceeds to tell me that the project that I requested she open for me can’t be done because I put it on the wrong form. She needs the new form. I have not been informed that there was a new form. Ok, fine.
Me – “Can you send me a blank copy of the new form?”
Her – “It’s on the website.”
Me – “Which website?” (My company is a global investment bank. We have hundreds of websites.)
Her – “The accounting one.”
Me – “Oh, Ok.” I navigate myself to the accounting website to find at least 30 possible forms.
Me – “Can you tell me what the form is called?”
Her – “It’s the one you use to open new projects.”
Me – “But which one is that?!? I clearly haven’t used it before so can you help me out here?!?”
Her – “What are you, new or something?”
Me – “NO! I am NOT new, I just don’t use your stupid forms everyday, like you do. So can you just tell me which one it is so we can get this over with?!?”
Her – “Project Accounting Form.”
Me – “Thank you.” (*in my head – why couldn’t you have just told me the name of the goddamed form, you fucking WHORE?!?!?!? Do you ENJOY making others feel like shit? God help you that I don’t know where you live or where you park your car.)

See??? See why I need a hammer!??!?

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