Ok, so I’m not even going to go into why I haven’t blogged for like ever, other than to say that work has been REALLY slow and I’ve been sucked into a damn soap opera. Like, a real, daytime television, soap opera. I’m not making comparisons to my life or any of that. I’m talking Guiding Light. And Otalia from Guiding Light. Cause dammit, they’re like the only lesbians on tv right now and stupid CBS won’t even let them kiss!!! They can move in together, raise kids, buy a house and run a business together, but they must. not. kiss.
Anyway, that’s basically been my serious distraction for the last 6 months or so. I won’t be ashamed. I wont. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today.
Today, I want to talk about a commercial that I’ve been seeing a lot of. It’s for a product called Latisse. Latisse promises to give you longer, fuller, darker eyelashes, (which is what I thought mascara was for, but whatever), only uses chemicals to do so. Now, this is just like any of the other stupid things that women do to themselves in order to look like what men want them to. But it’s the list of side effects, from this “treatment” that really get to me. The most disconcerting one of these is as follows: “May cause eyelid skin darkening which may be reversible, and there is potential for increased brown iris pigmentation which is likely to be permanent.” – taken directy from thier website. But they say this so fast on the commercial, as they do with all potentially harmful side effects, that you barely catch it.
So basically, you put some checmicals on your eyelids, which could cause enough damage so as to seep into your actual eyeBALL and change the color of your eye??? Is that what you’re saying, Ms. I-talk-faster-than-an-auctioneer-side-effect-woman?? Yes. I don’t understand how any woman in her right mind would even consider this. Ok, yes, you may already have brown eyes, which is perfectly fine. But still, won’t some good mascara do the same trick without, oh, I don’t know, CAUSING PERMANENT DAMAGE?!?! Last I checked, you apply mascara in the morning, wash it off at night and you’re done. The worst side effect of mascara might be “If you forget to remove mascara at night, you will wake up looking like a drunk hooker raccoon”, which I can totally handle. Still easily fixed by some cold cream or just soap and water.
So why is there even a market for this product?!?! I mean, it’s somewhere in the $150 range. Isn’t even a really good mascara only like $20?? Is there some messeup sub-culture of people out there who are secretly competing with each other for how much they can damage thier bodies??? I just don’t understand it, same as I don’t understand filling your boobs up with fake, saltwater bubbles.
I just don’t get it.