What I Want


I did some side work with a friend over the weekend. We painted 4 rooms in an apartment. And while I’ve always done painting in our own apartment many times before, it was always on our own time, not an 8-4 schedule in which we try to get as much done as possible. So, to say I was tired at the end of the day would be a SEVERE understatement. My friend joked that I would sleep like a cannon ball that night, and he did not lie. I have a vague recollection of thinking how comfy my bed was at around 9:15pm, on a Saturday, and then it was 13 hours later. I slept for a full 13 hours. I can’t even tell you the last time that happened. And I woke up sore as hell. Knees, arms, shoulders, all of it, just pain. I really need to get crackin’ at the gym. I truly have a newfound respect for the people of the world who are in the business of physical labor.

But alas, with work, comes money. Cold, hard cash, to be exact. And when payment came on Monday in the form of a couple of crisp $100 bills, well, I just didn’t know what to do. My first instinct was to throw it into the credit card that I just put concert tickets on, and I said as much to HH. And she looks at me. She shakes her head.

HH – Do your knees still hurt?
Me – Yeah.
HH – So you earned that money, right?
Me – Yeah
HH – So why don’t you spend it on yourself?
Me – But. Um. No. It’s ok. I don’t have to do that. I’ll just pay off bills.
HH – PLEASE! Just do SOMETHING for yourself for a change!
Me – Um, Ok.

So yeah, I don’t know how to do that thing where you do something for yourself. Doing things for other people, this I know. HH told me last week that she hasn’t been to a lot of concerts and that she would like to go to some. We now have tickets to at least 3 concerts, 2 of which are huge, we have plans for another 2 and are waiting on tickets to go on sale for another one. She says she wants something, and I make sure she gets it. That’s how I roll. But if I want something, even if I NEED something, I am so reluctant to get it. For any number of reasons: The money could be better spent elsewhere. I just want that, I don’t really need it. But I could buy something for HH instead! Always an excuse to NOT do something for myself.

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I go so far over and above the expected for HH, it’s not even funny. I’ve had a cake flown in, overnight, from a bakery in Ohio, because they made a traditional Hungarian cake that she hadn’t tasted since she left Hungary. I’ve kidnapped her, coordinating with her work for the time off, to surprise her with a weekend in a B&B in New Hope, PA. I had a tiny leopard tortoise (yes, a live, rare animal) shipped to my work from California so I could surprise her with him, for her birthday. And yet, I’ll turn down buying myself a new pair of slippers, cause “Nah, the one’s I have are really fine.” (So what if they’ve caused me to fall down the steps? Twice.)

So, in light of this, I went and bought myself new headphones for my iPod today. Cause the one’s I had were frayed and starting to get static-ish. And I spent a whopping $25 on them. Which is a veritable SPLURGE for me! They weren’t the cheapest ones available! I swear, they weren’t. I even considered cheaper ones, but then went back and got the Sony’s. I’ve got like $175 left now. To spend on me. And I don’t know what to do with it.

So here is a list of things that I want, but will most likely NOT go out and get for myself:

– A new hairdo and color that will make me look and feel good
– Another tattoo
– A new watch
– Window tint on my car
– A new ring
– Kitchen gadgets of any variety (https://www.titanpeelersale.com/)
– A new spring jacket
– Gym clothes
– A new phone (but that’ll have to wait till I’m eligible for a new one)
– A new iPod
– Lilith Fair tickets (though, I swear, I’m gonna try and get some of those!)

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