Can do

I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately, primarily from pressure I exert on myself. Fun times. I’m looking for a new job, trying to lose weight, trying to figure out how to buy a house, figuring out where that house should be, figuring how the hell we’re going to afford that on one income; you get the idea. None of these are small decisions and I’ve been drowning under a constant feeling of “I can’t do it.”

Typically, I keep most of this to myself, due to the fact that HH has her own set of issues to deal with; Is Skyler ready for potty training, why won’t Lexie’s tooth break through, is there time for one more load of laundry before I pass out and what the hell are we having for dinner. But last night, I was really upset and so I was telling her all this and she stops me and says “Why are you so focused on the things you can’t do?”

And it was one of those moments. It was almost on the tip of my tongue to lash out, but I just said “You’re right.” Clearly, she was not expecting that, lol. She laughed, and was like “How can I even be mad now?”

But she was right. I was focusing on what I can’t do like Gollum on the Ring. Obsessing over it. So, of course, that’s what I was attracting. Can’t do it, can’t do it, can’t do it. Of course I can’t, with an attitude like that.

So I’m trying to focus on what I can do, right now.  I CAN send out my resume like my life depends on it.  I CAN start making better food choices for myself and my family today.  I CAN start a savings program that will help me afford a mortgage and closing costs.  And I can do a little more of each of these every day until the big goals don’t seem so daunting.  I WILL find a new job.  I WILL lose some weight.  And I WILL have almost $10K in a dedicated savings account within a year.

I just have to remember my headlights.  When driving at night, all you can see is the road within your headlights.  You can’t see your final destination, but you know that the road you’re on is taking you in the right direction.  It’s amazing what a little change in perspective can do for your overall frame of mind.  I think I might even see the sun beginning to rise over on the horizon!


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